Hula Chair with Innovative Elliptical Motion

This chair literally vibrates you awake, according to its product description on Amazon.com. “Wake up naturally in the morning without coffee or unhealthy energy drinks. … This modern miracle combines the best of ancient traditional Chinese medicine with 21st-century space-age technology. … Simply sit upright in the Hula Chair, press the button and let its elliptical motion work wonders on your body,”.

Hog Wild Twirling Spaghetti Fork

When twirling your spaghetti with a regular fork is simply too arduous, you can opt for this motorized twirling fork. A description of the fork on Amazon.com says it offers “more satisfying bites and 100% twirling fun.”

Cat Duster Slippers

Feel like your cat is, well, lying around and not doing enough around the house? Why not strap these cat duster slippers on its paws so that your kitty can help dust your floors as it strolls around. “Obviously you’ll have to ignore the fact that they lick their anus … then lick their paws, thus spreading cat anus all over your nice new floor boards,”

Potty Putter

When a simple magazine is not enough entertainment for you while doing your “business,” turn to the Potty Putter. The toy, billed as “the ultimate toilet putting surface,” is “a true innovation in getting the most out of each trip to the restroom,” BaronBob.com says. Oh yes, you can now ace your putting game while enjoying the comfort of your own toilet.

Do Some Good in the World

It shouldn’t be all me, me, me, though. Paradoxically, one of the best ways you can help yourself is to help others. A review of more than thirty longitudinal studies carried out by the Corporation for National and Community Service found that volunteering increases your life expectancy significantly, especially if you’re doing it for purely altruistic reasons.

Grow New Body Parts

When you die, it’s often just one vital part of your body that fails, while the rest of you is in good working order. What if you could pre-grow new organs ready for when your current ones bail on you?

The technology to do this is already here. Doctors have been growing new skin for years, and have recently branched out into trickier organs such as the heart and bladder. The advantage of this technology is that the tissue is grown from the patient’s own cells, so there is no risk of rejection.

Work Hard and Be Stressed

More bad news. The Longevity Project, a study which analyzed eighty years’ worth of information, beginning in 1921, on group of 1,500 children, found some surprising information. Those children who were happy-go-lucky, carefree, and had a good sense of humor lived shorter lives than those who more serious, persistent and prudent. As adults, these people were the most involved with and committed to their jobs. So you might want to stop all that kidding around.

This confounds earlier findings that happiness and health go hand in hand. Yes, they do, but probably people are happy because they’re healthy, not the other way round.